04s71

Enuff said. =)


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Anyway, what happens when you watch too much Goong on Youtube in a week?

1. You don't have the energy to go for early morning lectures.
2. You don't study much organic chemistry.
3. You don't do stats tutorial.

And what are the implications?

Organic chemistry test tomorrow --> I can't finish studying.
Stats Tutorial tomorrow --> I haven't even looked at the tutorial, and I wouldn't know how to do it either since I didn't attend the lecture.

Ahhh.

Goong.

They are so cute!! I'm hooked. Die.

In other news, I'm going to the halloween party at ys' place tomorrow. And I need to create a halo. Yours truly's going as an angel. BWAHAHAHA

Vulnerable?

And so it is...

Remember my statistics test? 24/40 = 60% and I think the mean's around 29, despite people all round complaining how difficult the test is.

Sigh. Its things like that that just take all the wind out of your sails. I want to be happy that I passed, because math has never been my best subject, but passing is not enough. And the bar is raised so high, I have no idea how I'm going to clear it.

Excuse me while I wallow in tears of self pity with regards to my mediocrity and anger for being unable to live up to my own expectations.

Garfield!

Hi all! I'm Garfield and 3 hours ago I was sitting in one of those "jackpot" machines in the arcade at suntec city. Now I'm supposed to belong to hs but I'm sitting in geraldineeeeeeee's room. I think I'd have to move over soon. geraldineeeeeeee wasn't too happy to see me in the machine though, she was hoping to try for the pink fluffy bedroom slippers which was still around yesterday and then let hs keep it. Or at least this Eeyore pillow. But both weren't on display and since I was the cuter garfield toy left, here I am.


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Aside: I LOVE 孙燕姿's 雨天!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Hazy.

No, contrary to what my title may suggest, I'm not paying a tribute to my crabby but long-deceased hamster, Hazy. It refers to something more... (for lack of a better word) environmental.

PSI = Please Stop Indonesia.

Back in 1997 the haze was worse but the only thing which had any impact on me was that the air smelt different. Today, in 2006, the haze isn't as bad, but my nose is leaking, my eyes and face feels terrible and my throat hurts. I didn't want to moan and groan but the fact remains that I feel like shit.

Bleh.

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I only just realised that the stats test answers have been out for some time, and people are already discussing answers and whining about losing 2 marks on ivle.

Of course I checked my MCQ answers and recalled the steps for the open ended question. Concluded I'd get ard 25/40, which will make up the seriously bottom half of the lecture group.

Sigh. There goes my cap. Seriously gone.

This is sorta surreal.

Remember a few posts ago when my jc civics tutor was asking about me?

I got this message yesterday from my form teacher in primary 4:

Well, that was the end message. The first one was asking what and where am I studying now.

And just this morning, I suddenly thought about mrs hee (primary 6 form teacher) and how we've haven't gone to see her for so long. And then in the afternoon I was bumming around outside LT27 when I saw a stall selling assorted trinkets like this:


One caught my attention immediately. (Well, not this, though I eventually bought this... aesthetically nicer and a good reminder.) It said "He cares for you."

And I thought of this:


Hmm.

Reporting...

GEK paper makes me very GEK.

This is my weekend of reports man... over Friday-Sunday I created chem lab report and GEK report, and also studied a bit for German and Stats. (Stats test in 8 hrs time and I'm awake. Joy.)

GEK paper was the worst though... it was seriously trying to draw conclusions out of nothing. I think I essentially wrote the entire paper save for the diagrams, which is not really proportionately distributed, is it? Then again, I didn't have a hand in the survey conducting. Still...

Off to sleep.

of law and order...

Here's why I was amused and sad last night...

Over msn...

zhixuan: ger
zhixuan: mr wong misses you i think
geraldineeeeeeeee: ????
geraldineeeeeeeee: ?!
zhixuan: he suddenly asked me today
zhixuan: i haven't kept in touch with geraldine
zhixuan: how is she
geraldineeeeeeeee: ?!
geraldineeeeeeeee: er..
geraldineeeeeeeee: well
geraldineeeeeeeee: maybe coz the last time he saw me i was crying over my a level result slip
geraldineeeeeeeee: lalala
zhixuan: then he asked about your uni
zhixuan: then he said
zhixuan: she didn't consider law or sth?
zhixuan: even though her language...
geraldineeeeeeeee: no i didnt
zhixuan: yar lohz

a while later... (and many sentences in between)

zhixuan: orh
zhixuan: he said
geraldineeeeeeeee: as though law is any easier to get into
zhixuan: she still wants medicine is it?
geraldineeeeeeeee: yes.
zhixuan: only medicine ar?
zhixuan: i was like
zhixuan: yar


Well, mr wong isn't anything but persistent... Though I am of the opinion that if he ever stumbles upon this blog (touch wood) and sees my terrible expression and lagi jia lat grammar and sentence structures of late he will definately relook his opinion of my abilities in this language. And its not as though I did especially well in GP in my 2 years in hc and in the A levels... -shrug- This isn't the first time he has mentioned law as a possible career though. He suggested it just after I got my result slip, and here I'd mention again that law isn't easier to get into than medicine, so law as a 2nd choice isn't really a viable option either...

All the same, it feels... surreal to know that your teacher is still concerned about your welfare (almost) a year after you've graduated. Especially so when in the one year in his class you got the impression that he doesn't really care about how you will fare eventually. (Yes, I was quite disturbed on some occasions when he called upon everyone in class to answer his questions except me... And this was fairly obvious to me because he just went down the row and skipped me. damian... gladys... (geraldine?) alex. Then back to the front. Then again, it could be coincidences.)

I don't think I ought to go into detail about whether my currect choice is a huge mistake. (see previous posts for my conclusions, if you actually feel like it) Though this feels like a reminder after starting the week with the news that life science graduates don't really have a future.

All the same, maybe I should go back to hc soon.

Back to (sigh) mugging. Poof.

Another week (almost) gone by!

Why, contrary to uni life so far, I don't look forward to the end of this week:

1. Tomorrow is Friday. There is a lab session. And on the schedule, it says, examine a reticulate python.

Well, if you hear that someone fainted during the practical session, chances are that's yours truly. Even if its a dead and stuffed snake. (At least, I think/hope its a dead specimen.) I'd rather examine cadavers anytime. And one day, I will. =P (And nope, I haven't heard from Australia... that was me expressing optimism and hope for the future.)


2. Tests and Assignments due by the truckload next week.

Oh, joy. Tis a sign to stop slacking.

Discrete random variables...

This was taken on maf 2005 - when we were all in J2. (And I photoshopped away quite a few pimples on my forehead.)



And then, one year later, at maf2006, we so happened to take a picture together, again. (Without realising it.) (And I photoshopped away pimples on my cheek. When will this end...)



Let's do it again next year! (If I'm still stuck doing life sciences...)

Miss JC days so much... shall post a random picture:

hc dizi at syf 05...


I saw a little boy in ethnic costume the other day and I got reminded of us =)



And since we're on 71, I shall put my favourite picture of the class of all time here =)

Last day of school, J1.

And now we've all, really, gone our separate ways... For many (almost all I would say), it has been a step closer to what we've envisioned ourselves to be. I think I'm the only one who's still seriously lost and really unhappy. Bleh.


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Am quite sad over my german CA results. I think it will pull down my CAP eventually... This is depressing.

Future? What future?

Remind me why I chose this major, knowing that my chances of getting into grad med sch or nie are very slim given the intense competition. And that the only way to survive with a degree would be to study till phd level, then go into research which I am dead set against. Its not as though I don't know that the market is oversaturated and a bachelor's degree is frankly, worthless.

I've already known that this is the worst decision of my life, and I just had to get it rubbed in my face on ivle. Lovely. So what am I working for? What am I living for?

Stupid, that's what I am.

I miss...

my 古筝。It's currently sitting at the top of my wardrobe.

I won't blog much about maf yesterday because I haven't gotten some pictures. (It's just an excuse, I know) But I think I'd mention that PSI hit 150 when we were doing mass dances - streneous activities, anyone? and the backdrop (or is it city gate..? dunno) this year looks... crap. Or rather, I have an issue with the female in the picture, and the brown thingy she was holding. Last year, we were laughing because 嫦娥 had no nose, but apart from that it was nice. This year, we were laughing because her nose is crooked. And I wasn't too happy to realise that the wooden thingy the figure was holding is actually the artist's impression of a 笛子. Er, excuse me, I know it looks like a simple stick, but it is NOT a 鼓锤 (Don't know if this is the correct chui), okay?

(I'm just being anal about things I hold dear to me, can?)

Spotted!

The curly rod-like thing is a new leaf in the midst of unfolding: its called a crozier and this characteristic of ferns is called circinate vernation. I spotted this on one of the trees in nus when I was walking to the bus stop. I don't remember what the name of this fern is, (Probably bird's nest fern?) but I do remember the TA saying that the fronds form a cup-like structure which results and aids in the collection and breakdown of dead organic matter so that the plant has constant access to nutrients. Kinda reminds me of human behaviour... those classic misers hoarding their gold...

Quality isn't very good because my phone camera isn't anything to shout about, and I refuse to go any nearer to the fern because there there were spiders, webs and ants crawling around. This picture was taken by me gingerly pulling aside a frond and blindly sticking my phone in the middle of the fern.

I wanted to comment on what I read in my microbiology textbook the other day but I was too lazy. (Spirit willing but flesh is freakin' weak) And I know I've mentioned gonohorrea, retina detachment and vaguely on gastroesophageal reflux here, and piles on the 71 class blog. At this rate I'm going, this is going to end up as a reflection of weird and quirky biology.

ET!! ET!!

Okay I didn't watch the movie but I do know where I copied this pose from!!


From last Monday (Montag)'s hc130 outing =) And I photoshopped out the remains of a very bad acne outbeak that my face is still reeling from. There should be 3 spots on my right cheek and one small spot on my right jaw too. I didn't bother with eyebags though, since they are a permanent fixture anyway.

(Oh by the way I want to try throwing in as many Deutsch wörter as I can remember wherever possible.. So.. Ja.)

Of names...

Finally.

-start of grade analysis-
German and Biodiversity mid-term CA down. Hoping for around 70% for German if I pass (Listening comprehension was sehr schlecht. I wanted to experiment with the gern structure, but I realised that a test is not the ideal situation to play around with words.), and 17-18/20 for Biodiversity (Though I already have one mistake. Grr.).

Results for General Physiology CA are out and I got 3 mistakes. Under normal circumstances I might be pleased with this grade because 1. I slept through nearly all of the lectures (8 in the morning! Zzz la.) 2. There are yr2 and yr3 students in the module and 3. I only started studying the night before, but this grade puts me uncomfortably near the median class grade. Yes, the MEDIAN, I kid you NOT. Of course, this pisses me off because if this is all I can manage for a module dealing with a topic that I'm supposed to be good at, then where does that leave my stats and organic chem? Damn, I need to work so much harder.
-end of grade analysis-

Now for some R&R before I think about the next few tests coming my way...

The brightest spot on the horizon: maf celebrations! Wheeeeeeeeeee~ Fun and pictures galore coming up real soon! =)

Might reflect a bit more if I have the energy later.

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I stole this off damian's blog:

IF:
A-Damn good kisser.
B- Good all around person.
C- You're wild & crazy.
D- You have one of the best personalities ever.
E-You have a nice ass
F- People totally adore you.
G- You never let people tell you what to do.
H- You have a very good personality and looks.
I- You get hyper easily.
J- Everyone loves you.
K- You like to try new things.
L- You live to have fun.
M- Success comes easily to you.
N- You are absolutely beautiful.
O- You're an awesome person.
P- You are popular with all types of people.
Q- You are a hypocrite.
R- Sexy!
S- Easy to fall in love with.
T- You're loyal to those you love.
U- You really like to chill.
V- You are not judgemental.
W- You are very broad minded.
X- You never let people tell you what to do.
Y- One of the best bfs/gfs anyone could ask for.
Z- You're a little too hard to find.


So, here goes:
G- You never let people tell you what to do. Damn right I'd say.
E-You have a nice ass I don't think so! Out-of-shape, maybe.
R- Sexy! Right.
A-Damn good kisser. Really? But I wouldn't know, would I? Can't kiss myself...
L- You live to have fun. (x2) If you call shopping for books.
D- You have one of the best personalities ever. Apparently the benchmark used for this test is really low...
I- You get hyper easily. Sian.
N- You are absolutely beautiful. (x2) Okay, benchmark is really low.
E-You have a nice ass. (x2) No, I don't.

Rest of the letters which appear in my name.. (Repeated ones are reflected in the (x) brackets above.

O- You're an awesome person. Aww.. If you say so.
W- You are very broad minded. Not a good thing.. my brain might fall out huh..
S- Easy to fall in love with. Easy is relative.
U- You really like to chill. Yes, Singapore is so hot.
C- You're wild & crazy. Roar?
H- You have a very good personality and looks. See comment for D and N.




And since I'm on a roll, here's another analysis just for the fun of it! From some website:

There are 19 letters in your name.
Those 19 letters total to 92
There are 8 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 11

The characteristics of #11 are: High spiritual plane, intuitive, illumination, idealist, a dreamer.

The expression or destiny for #11:
Your Expression number is 11. The number 11 is the first of the master numbers. It is associated with idealistic concepts and rather spiritual issues. Accordingly, it is a number with potentials that are somewhat more difficult to live up to. You have the capacity to be inspirational, and the ability to lead merely by your own example. An inborn inner strength and awareness can make you an excellent teacher, social worker, philosopher, or advisor. No matter what area of work you pursue, you are very aware and sensitive to the highest sense of your environment. Your intuition is very strong; in fact, many psychic people and those involved in occult studies have the number 11 expression. You possess a good mind with keen analytical ability. Because of this you can probably succeed in most lines of work, however, you will do better and be happier outside of the business world. Oddly enough, even here you generally succeed, owing to your often original and unusual approach. Nonetheless, you are more content working with your ideals, rather than dollars and cents.

The positive aspect of the number 11 expression is an always idealistic attitude. Your thinking is long term, and you are able to grasp the far-reaching effects of actions and plans. You are disappointed by the shortsighted views of many of your contemporaries. You are deeply concerned and supportive of art, music, or of beauty in any form.

The negative attitudes associated with the number 11 expression include a continuous sense of nervous tension; you may be too sensitive and temperamental. You tend to dream a lot and may be more of a dreamer than a doer. Fantasy and reality sometimes become intermingled and you are sometimes very impractical. You tend to want to spread the illumination of your knowledge to others irrespective of their desire or need.

Your Soul Urge number is: 3

A Soul Urge number of 3 means:
With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends. You want to be in the limelight, expressing your artistic or intellectual talents. Word skills may be your thing; speaking, writing, acting, singing. In a positive sense, the 3 energy is friendly, outgoing and always very social.

You have a decidedly upbeat attitude that is rarely discouraged; a good mental and emotional balance.

The 3 Soul Urge gives intuitive insight, thus, very high creative and inspirational tendencies. The truly outstanding trait shown by the 3 Soul Urge is that of self-expression, regardless of the field of endeavor.

On the negative side, you may at times become too easygoing and too optimistic, tending to scatter forces and accomplish very little. Often, the excessive 3 energy produces non-stop talkers. Everyone has faults, but the 3 soul urge doesn't appreciate having these pointed out.

Your Inner Dream number is: 8

An Inner Dream number of 8 means:
You dream of success in the business or political world, of power and control of large material endeavors. You crave authority and recognition of executive skills. Your secret self may have very strong desire to become an entrepreneur

Of performing...

If I Ain't Got You --- Alicia Keys

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
and I've been there before
that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love him
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
with no one to share
with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you
Some people want it all
but I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah

Oh, ooh, so nothing in this whole
wide world don't mean a thing

If I ain't got you with me baby

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I think this is a pretty nice song: been playing it over and over again. (Btw I deleted some repeated lines in the lyrics) I first heard it (unfortunately!) on Sg Idol2. At that time I was still working at wic and siti wanted to watch it.. we agreed that the song was nice but the person singing it was seriously terrible. Think she got booted out not too long after, which is sweet relief to many of us I'm sure. (Except maybe her fans...)

Why am I so critical of performances when I cannot sing to save myself? (This is partly to ward off any rabid fans who might just stumble here and lead the charge against me for lampooning their idol - I'm paranoid, I know, but I learnt from 3.5 years of blogging that people don't read carefully nor realise that blogs reflect personal opinion before spamming tagboards/comments with extremely rude and incoherent messages.)

Because from experience (and from the mouths of those older and wiser than me), I learnt that when you are a performer on stage, you open yourself up to criticism. When you are on stage, nobody cares if you are nursing a sore throat or are perfectly fine: you are there to perform, to entertain, to move, to be nothing short of your very best irregardless of your problems offstage and if you don't make the cut, you will be ripped apart by critics. If it was terrible, it was terrible and having a zillion excuses behind it doesn't change it being terrible. Of course, sometimes we are hit by things beyond our control that has far-reaching impacts on our performance, but the stage is cruel. This is the nature of performing.

But that is what makes performing so sweet too...


I always feel extremely indignant when I hear of instances where sports are more valued over performing arts because they are deemed to have a greater impact on character building and imbuing of values. While I don't deny that they have a further reach in promoting healthy lifestyles (obviously), I find that often, the arts are shortchanged in the assessment of its potential in character building and lifeskills learning. Unfortunately, it doesn't help that most people not involved in sports are less outgoing and more reticent and hence deemed to be "followers" instead of the "movers" and "shakers" of this world.

(I think I have elucidated enough about what I have learnt in my 6 years in the chinese orchestra in previous posts and blogs, so I shan't bore everyone else with my waffle. -And also because I think I ought to go mug. Now.- )

Of course, there is the possibility that I'm providing a biased viewpoint because I'm not a sports person and never will be, but maybe this isn't a problem here since what I'm saying is, don't write off the arts in character moulding.

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My posts are getting more disconnected by the day. I attribute it to mugging.

Some signs that you've been mugging...

Just a short while! Before its back to the world of biodiversity (gymnosperms) and german.

Anyway, you know you've been mugging, perhaps a wee bit too much, when you take a stroll down some street in city hall with your bf and you stop at a bunch of flowers at the roadside. Not to smell it or comment on its appearance, but to inform your mildly-uninterested bf that the yellow thing at the end of a stalk isn't a single flower with many petals, but a bunch of flowers because every single petal is one.

Or when you look at various colourful pictures of pathogenic bacteria and you think, actually, that one looks quite pretty.. oh look! There's a cute looking one!" among other innane comments. When just a few weeks ago, you were whining about how much you hated the chapter.

Or you start laughing, then thinking about philosophical stuff after coming across this line in your textbook "Starvation can be a positive experience for bacteria." Okay, then find me a happy bacterium! I think I'd leave the philosophical ramblings out of this entry though.

Or the classic "Hey, I'm sorry I can't go for the class outing anymore.. I need to mug for a test." -ARGH-



Sometimes I think I don't have a life. I have got no fashion sense, no love for singing at kbox or wherever else, no love for physical activities that other people my age love, little interest in computer games or movies save for the few which nobody has much interest in anyway... the list goes on. Even the crap I enjoy is selective. Meanwhile, I derive much more joy from looking at books, studying, reading. I think I enjoyed playing Scrabble more than any other board game so far. I'd rather spend an afternoon in a cafe with good friends than have the entire setting move to a beach somewhere. Most of my interests are what people will consider as "work" or "boring" or "out" rather than "Wow". As much as I hope that I'm an interesting person, I'm forced to concede that there really isn't any redeeming factor that makes me a fun person to be with.