HAPPY =D

i'm looking forward to monday! although i'd be on the super shitty monday morning shift, but i HAVE MY LONG AWAITED GUQIN LESSON AFTER THAT! WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~

okay my mummy thinks i'm crazy because now i have guqin lessons, malay language lessons, driving lessons and bread delivery on top of working full time and my dad thinks i'm trying to work myself to death by not giving myself time to slack ard plus the later shift ends quite late. i hope i get a response regarding volunteer tuition soon =) wait till they find out, shd be quite funny. lol

i think my plans for volunteering overseas are going to draw a blank. cash cash. my plans to learn piano are temporarily shelved too.

seriously, i think i ought to put my free time to more productive use. i think that will happen soon with all my lessons =) need to practice wad.

anyway, someone's trying to disguise her handwriting so that when things go wrong it wont appear to be her fault. wth. too bad la okie i KNOW what i do and didnt do.

all that's left..

my life is finally crawling in the direction i fancy. that's good. now for the last 2 things to happen.

anyway, as uh, some of you know, i actually agreed to take up the performance, and uh, i was 30 mins late for the reheasal at lasalle. -cough- ah well. my dizi skills have well and truly rusted and i also neglected the fact that my sight reading skills are also too far gone for me to confidently state that i can actually sight read, not to mention being able to adjust yinzun as i play. bleh. i need to practice. but the song's interesting. i do hope i do a good job for the performance, no, i want to do a good job. oh, and i dont know why, but limwei actually sounds (to some extent) like zhanxin. maybe its just my connect-the-unfamiliar-to-the-familiar habit at work. like how i thought hs looked like leslie but now i think, wth was i thinking?! they are as different as chalk and cheese!

and they really ought to stop thanking me, i ought to be thanking them instead. for even asking me to take part in this. for giving me an excuse to stop neglecting my dizis.

malay language class today! lesson was quite intersting, hopefully it stays that way. haha i think i better revise the pronunciations often or else everything will just slip out and i'd struggle like mad during the subsequent lessons.

and i just have to mention this. out of a class of 9, 4 of us are awaiting university admissions, 1 guy 3 girls, guy accepted into pharmacy already, 2 girls want to study dentistry and 1 (yours truly) want to study medicine. that's not all. the guy is from hc. he said he was from 02s7b. o.0 uh okie, i seem to be crossing paths quite frequently with pple from 7b. the co seniors i'm closer to are from 7b, my bangdi junior is from 7b. kailing not counted coz i knew her in pri 6. lucky he wasnt from co or else i think i really -______________- already.

am tired and not making sense so i'd stop here.

that's it.

i see that gmail doesnt want me to volunteer with ccf or they cant be bothered with me. i give up. its quite frustrating to keep emailing them, waiting for reply and then wonder if they actually received your email. gah. fine. i shall restart my search for an organisation.

its very irritating to make up your mind to do something, actually get down to put your thoughts into concrete actions and find that you've come up against a concrete wall.

-----

i like working on sunday nights! coz i have rachel for company =) she's a nursing student btw and i guess its easier communicating with someone closer to your age. and she teaches me bits of practical knowledge whenever possible, not to mention insights on various issues, most often on healthcare and life. and we talk rubbish also. hahaha plus pace of work is slower and the locum drs are more easy-going and funny.

dr L found out that i wanted to study med, preferably in nus and like nearly all drs so far, went into the "choose something else/ go somewhere else!" mode. and then his parting shot to us was "man, good luck, welcome to the Dark side." accompanied by a lot of head shaking. uh... let me succeed in my application first la. hahaha

but it certainly wasnt funny ytd when the scheduled locum didnt turn up and we had to turn away a few patients and frantically called up the drs we "knew" better to try and see if can find replacement. clinic without dr. doesnt it sound ridiculous?

i nearly got shot by a poison arrow but i think sustained injuries are light.

jasmine! dont feel bad la. hahaha i wanted the job although you kept telling me that its terrible, right? so it was my choice. anyway i'm learning quite a lot, except that not much of it is pleasant. but i have to learn such unpleasant stuff sooner or later, cant keep thinking that the world is nice and pleasant and all. at least now i know full well what things can be like in this sector, so i'm not applying to study medicine with a ridiculously romantic view of what being a dr asks for.

ambivalent.

i cant decide if i'm in a good mood or not.

met up with mingyan (and i wore HEELS whahahaha) at j8 for lunch where we caught up with each other, then went over to ms chek's place to visit her and coo at her little 2-month old boy. i wonder if mingyan's going to refer to him as "little (insert famous composer's name)" since she already calls nicholas "little beethoven" and apparently convinced half the school that ms chek did name her son that. admittably i did get lost in their conversation coz they were talking abt mingyan's plans which involved a lot of piano pieces and i know nuts abt it =X but hey mingyan! lend me your four-leaved clover if i go for med interview okie? lol but i feel like i haven't laughed so hard for ages, and it feels good when i get that extra determination to be a doctor again when i know that there are people who believe i can do it, the encouragement, that "if this is what you want, go for it." thank you. i will. =D

and then we had to leave because i had to go to work, and things went steadily downhill. firstly, i was cashier for the shift, and the very first patient i was supposed to collect money from walked right out of the clinic before any of us realised that she had to pay, least of all me since i wasnt even at the counter but in the consult room asking the dr to write a missing prescription. and then at dinner time the dr says my partner and me ought to take more initiative and not let certain patients wait for so long. but what we dont get is that the situations she cited as lack of initiative on our part didnt even happen today! and it seems kind of impossible to do as she instructed in a particular case because no matter what, the patient will still have to wait, so its back to square one. i felt quite terrible after that because it says something abt the perceived level of my competence.

i'm seriously beginning to dread going to work everyday. its kind of impossible not to make a mistake under such uncertain circumstances, where what you are taught as right turns out to be wrong the next week (or even the next day). and the paperwork to be done when there's an error in the system, because we are part of the entire network. the way mistakes get blown out of proportion sometimes. under such circumstances, its difficult not to feel like pushing the blame to someone else, although that a terrible thing to do. some things are easier said than done la. its easier to say use your common sense and take some initiative when you arent the one who will risk getting your head bitten right off by attempting to change things. and there's a new system in place next month. wth. more work to do. i will definately quit in june, irregardless of whether i'm staying in singapore (term starts in july) or going to australia (term starts in feb 2007). if the latter happens, i'm going job hunting again.

and then, i have to be the recipient of an extremely nicely rude woman who yelled over the phone over having to pay for another consult to get another prescription for her misplaced medicine. ranting about how stupid the system is. like hello, YOU lost your medicine, why is it MY fault? and she demanded to speak to the dr on duty and apparently she wasnt very polite either. then after that she called again to say that the dr said no need to charge for consult and would we please get the prescription ready coz she was dropping by. that phone call was frightfully polite. why? because she got her way. and after checking the system, we realised she didnt even need to pay upfront for the consultation! goodness. what's 5 bucks off your medical benefit for misplacing your (supremely important) medicine? if it was that essential, how could you lose it?! not to mention that she had an extremely sharp voice and when she appeared to collect the free prescription i couldnt help but think that there was an uncanny resemblence to HoLY. both gets on your nerves and makes you want to cover your ears when their voices are magnified.

but then, i've finished all my university essays! now to copy and paste them on the online form tmr morning, pay the application fees at an atm and i'm done with my university applications!

i find it quite ironic that i dont have to pay a cent for applying to australia (coz i got fee waiver for monash during the health sciences open house and uwa has no application fee) (apart from the isat fees) but i have to pay 20 bucks in all for nus and ntu applications.

off day tomorrow! (or rather, now since its 1am already) i cant tell you how happy i am. =D

busy times ahead! i've decided to take up the dizi performance. (god bless me and the performance) and my malay language lessons are starting =D if only ccf would hurry up and reply me, life would then be truly good. volunteering at ffth was because i didnt dare talk/interact much with people. but now that i dare, i want to do more.

me the nice niao-able target.

i realise that quite a few of my teachers/instructors get a kick out of poking fun at me.

no wait, let's edit this sentence. it should be,

i realise that quite a few people get a kick out of poking fun at me.

let's not touch on my meimei's irritating habit of poking me and messing up my hair, among other things. let's just concentrate on teachers, shall we?

i only had 4 driving lessons so far (and i had the good fortune -seriously!- of getting the same instructor in my group) and the instructor has already started niaoing me. regarding my hands, my control of car, my tendency to screw up alternate lessons, on relationships (oh man that was DAMN GROSS i nearly puked) and blah blah blah. yzy poked fun at my height before and i think my "aunty" incident has spread far and wide too. and let's not go into what my gz teacher says okie. it can fill a nice thick book.

speaking of driving, true to form, i screwed up again. i didnt mean to, but i think even numbered lessons have something against me. goodness. steering in the wrong direction right onto path of oncoming car in the circuit. well, at least didnt step on accelerator by accident. =X

die man i havent finished my uni applications. should i do the essays? sigh.

books books books

actively calling all those of you who have:

a) blown off 40% or more of your allowance on books in one shot and/or
b) have stared at your book purchases and wondered what on earth are you going to eat until the next allowance comes

here's THE club for you. its the bankrupt-for-the-love-of-books club. there are uh, 2 members to date.

-----

alex gave me a really lovely book for my (belated) birthday. its "how we live", and is essentially on how the human body works for the sole goal of survival. (this sentence looks dumb) i wonder how he manages to dig out such books. hmph. when i finish this book i'm going to get "how we die", by the same author, exploring the causes and modes of death. i hope i can get through that without shedding a tear, though.

apparently ccf didnt receive my email, so its currently back to square one wrt volunteering as a tutor. argh!

i'm also trying to get my qi back for dizi performance. that's not going to be easy, but i guess i ought to start by exercising. that'd kill 2 birds with one stone: lack of qi, and lack of a healthy lifestyle. i'd love to go cycling on a regular basis, but the only park with bike rental happens to be right at the other end of singapore. and it does eat up a lot of money each time. think i'd dangle a box of chocolates in front of the treadmill in the gym at my godma's condo and try to run. lol

pfft.

my first sunday morning shift. -yawn-

man it really sucks to have to crawl out of bed at 6am on a sunday and take a long deary train ride all the way to novena for work. with the knowledge that your classmates will be heading for the beach in abt 4 hrs time. pfft.

then bright and early in the morning, i screwed up by jamming the login system, so we have 2 out of 3 user names down. die la.

well at least i went cycling with hs yesterday, so i had some uh, exercise after the nice treat mr lee gave us for being his best performing class for a levels. (actually we kinda forced him to give us a treat) my butt feels damn sore now after cycling.

this is late, but shinwei! happy birthday! (though it was on friday)

sigh. seeing all the birthday celebrations (belated or not) for different people led me to the sudden realisation that i havent celebrated my birthday. not like i could have then, but somehow, the complete lack of fuss, cake, wishes, candles to be blown out, even as a belated gesture, has made me feel a teeny bit left out and forgotten. then again i really ought to get used to it, as one gets older birthdays are supposed to become less of a big deal. (though it IS a big deal, having made it past another year)

am waiting for suan to send me pics of the hc130 outing - sans yisheng who was stuck guarding the lovely tropical island of pulau tekong on friday.

anyway, 71 has 50% of guys who have completed their bmt on their way to ocs. (3 out of 6) so actually quality of guys in our class not bad eh =X hahahaha

finally, hc130 outing to ms clarity later! =) can hardly wait! hehehe

my first quiz

koped off eugene's blog. btw can all those diary-x owners who have moved pls drop me a tag or sumthing so that i can update my links? thanks..

Rules: Bold the following that are true about you and add 5 people who you want to do this at the bottom. (my bullshit is in italics)

I miss somebody right now.
I don't watch much TV these days. thing is, i dont watch tv
I love olives.
I own lots of books. not enough though.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
I believe that honesty is the best policy.
I curse sometimes. dont we all?
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart. i totally wish.
I've broken someone's bones.
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
I hate the rain.
I'm paranoid at times. hehehehe
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now. more than i can ever say.
I love sushi.
I talk really, really fast.
I have fresh breath in the morning.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
I have worn fake hair / fingernails / eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I like the way that I look.
I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
I know how to cornrow. what's that.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I think prostitution should be legalized.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
Slept with a suitemate.
I have a hidden talent.
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I LOVE TO SHOP! Enjoy window shopping.
Would rather shop than eat.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
I'm obsessed with my blog.
I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in (a) God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I like someone.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. i'm sure.
I want to have children in the future. optional, really.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
I have a lot to learn
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I'm online 24/7, even as an away message.
I have at least 5 away messages saved.
I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I have avoided assignments at work/school to blog.
When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
I enjoy some country music.
I would die for my best friends.
I think Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I watch soap operas whenever I can.
I'm obsessive and often a perfectionist.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story".
Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
I have dated a close friend's ex.
I like surveys.
I am happy at this moment.
I'm obsessed with guys.
Democrat.
Conservative Republican.
I am punk rockish.
I am preppy.
I go for older guys/girls, not younger. younger guy? that's like dating my little brother. ew.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I can work on a car.
I love my job. remains to be seen.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever I can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
I believe in prophetic dreams.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient on a musical instrument. at least, i hope so. 1 year ago.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went to college out of state.
I am adopted.
I like sausage.
I am a pyro.
I love the Red Sox.
I have thrown up from crying too much.
I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
I love kisses.
I fall for the worst people.
I adore bright colors.
I love Dear Abby.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I think school is awesome.
I think pigtails serve a purpose.
I don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I don't like multi-textured ice cream.
I think John Cusack is adorable.
I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
I watch Food Network way too much.
I love coaching youth sports.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in. apart from diaryx
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
I am a caffeine junkie!!
I know who Santas L. Helper is.
I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
I love wrestling.
I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
I'm an aritst.
I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
I have an unhealthy Taco Bell obsession.
I have had a crush on a cartoon character when I was a kid.
I have spent more on anime and manga than many spend on computers or other high end products.
I only clean my room when neccesary. then again i suspect my definition of necessary is rather different..
I have pointy-ended ears.
I have underwear every colour of the rainbow.
I LOVE korean dramas.
I colour-code my wardrobe.
I own more than 20 pairs of shoes.
I cry silently and get over things easily and quickly.
I love blasting linkin park at mum whenever she nags.
I love listening to jay chou music.
I love watching cartoons.
I love lame jokes. hehehee
I wish I was a tragic hero.
I hate one of my best friends but s/he has no idea

on the road!

okay, i'm not sure if i ever mentioned this, but i absolutely hate getting into a vehicle, so it was much dread and apprehension and unwillingness that i actually signed up for driving lessons. (after a lot of nagging from my parents about the usefulness of being able to drive)

and honestly, i dont really care if i can drive. yet.

getting into a car makes me want to sleep (since its the only way to ward off motion sickness) so it wasnt really of a surprise that i drifted off during the previous lesson, headed towards a collision course with another vehicle and (to the horror of the other learner driver and our two instructors) slammed on the accelerator pedal instead of the brake. oops.

i didnt drop asleep, my mind just wandered and going round and round and round the circuit was dead boring, so the car didnt register. well, at least i dont have to pay any damages since there was none.

i thought, after the near-crash on the circuit the last lesson, no instructor would want to take me on the road. but surprise surprise! heh.

and he said that for someone's first time on the road, my performance was not bad. muahahaha

my lessons have been crawling at a snail's pace (3 lessons so far only) but well, no cash, no time. (not to mention no real interest either...)

a second opinion.

well, gladys and i took hazy to another vet today to get a second opinion. bottomline is, hazy's still sitting in her cage being her grumpy old self. she still looks terrible and it seems like the hair around the other ear is going to fall out but its impossible to think of putting her down when she has been trying her damned hardest to convince me that she should live ie. eating A LOT all of a sudden, sudden desire for water, sufficient strength to climb out of cage, a decent amt. of pee and back to her spitting and grouchy self. though her speed is still nothing compared to a year back -ahem- hopefully she doesnt play dead again.

i'm considering postgraduate mbbs studies if i cant do it at undergraduate level. but the total cost of (at least) 7 years of education to achieve my dream is extremely daunting. ah well. i havent been rejected yet (coz i havent applied -_-) but i guess its better to come up with alternative pathways now rather than wait till i receive rejection letters then try to find opportunities to put my shattered dream back together.

i have to go to work soon. today will be a better day. i know it will.

monday blues

a couple of firsts today, none of them pleasant.

first decision to end a life.
first scolding by patient.

i've decided to let hazy go... she's off food already except for a few sunflower seeds which she doesnt normally touch, the water level in the bottle remains unchanged and she doesnt even have the strength to climb out of the cage already. =( mummy says its cruel to let her live on like that and i agree. so.

------

ah ha. it was inevitable; my very first scolding by an angry patient. strangely, it came from the one group of patients which i didnt expect: staff. i mean, okay, it was my fault, and the clinic being busy doesnt make a difference in it being my fault, but i've always thought that the first person to lose his/her temper at me in this line would be someone who is not in the healthcare sector, someone who doesnt understand that mistakes resulting in inconvenience of patients may sometimes occur and that it completely sucks to be yelled at even after you've apologised but then again.

you're a nurse; i'm just a clinic asst. but bottom line is, we both attend to patients, though in different ways. and i'm sure that no matter how angry your patient is, irregardless of whose fault it is, you wouldnt want to have a ball of crushed up paper thrown at you.

seriously, i admit, its my fault, and i'm sorry for causing you this inconvenience, and i understand if you yell at me. but if you throw the ball of paper at me with considerable force, i cant help but feel less apologetic about my mistake. you also make me want to view you with less respect than before.

and after the entire fiasco, kanna another lecture by the dr abt how we shd work smart and of course, my mistake from last week got dragged in again.

not to mention that these few weeks have been absolutely rotten for me and this felt like the last straw towards another huge crying bout but no, i wont let you get me down. i'm here to learn, and no matter how many lemons life throws at me, i promise i'd make the best damned lemonade you've ever tasted. in fact, the more lemons, the more lemonade to go around. HA.

deja vu

i brought hazy to the vet today.

history:
enlarging bald patches on different parts of body.
parts of exposed skin appear infected. (some blood)
sudden apparent weight gain.
on multivitamin-enriched drinking water for 2 weeks.
doesnt know how to use bath sand.
about as tame as a wild lion. -- impossible to handle without getting well and truly bitten.

vet says, "hello, what's wrong with your hamster?" -attempts to pick hazy up-

hazy: "zzZTTTTTTZzztTTtTTZtztztT" -goes at vet's gloved hand-

me: "uh.. bald patches, i thought it was a skin problem so i fed her vitamins but its been getting worse.. plus a sudden weight gain"

vet: -after successfully picking hazy up without getting bitten and a brief examination- "oh dear.. you have one sick hamster"

me: "..."

vet: "feel this part... and this part... these are tumours.. and look at her feet.. they are.."

me: "bloated." -shit.-

vet: "the wounds are not a disease by itself, its more of manifestations of the cancer.. i'm sorry to tell you this, but i'm afraid nothing can be done. if she was a cat or dog it would be different, but for an animal her size.."

me: "yea.. i understand.." -no DAMNIT why UNTREATABLE CANCER-

vet: "actually i'd suggest you put her down soon because she doesnt have much time left either.. so instead of letting here suffer.."

me: "but she's still eating well, running around and biting.."

vet: "yep i understand that you need to come to terms with it.. but do consider that option when she goes off food and appears extremely lethargic.. meanwhile i'd give some antibiotics for the wound.... "



and so. cancer giving rise to a bloated body and poor urine output. (no stink from cage for the last few days) now. why does that remind me of how someone dear to me left?

and when the time comes, how am i going to go to the vet with an animal and return with an empty cage?

---

when i first started blogging, i found it very strange that blogs are generally angsting ground for people. so many blogs were extremely dark and depressing. i wondered if my happy blog was normal. and then i decided that i will make sure that my blog never sinks to that depressed level. come what may, my blog will always contain more happy stuff than unhappy events.

and then i look at my chocolatechipcookie2 now and i think, happy entry? has there been one really, truly, honest-to-goodness happy entry? all the happier entries in here are set against the backdrop of other larger, gloomier events. there's cancer news, unemployment, worries about my dream falling to pieces, death, terrible results, worries about my dream falling to pieces again, and here we have another cancer news.

and again, the fear of not being able to even make it to an australian med school should nus decide that i'm not worthy of studying medicine here. some schools ask for nothing less than 3As to qualify for an interview, and if i'm really unlucky, those schools which accept less than 3As get swamped with so many students with 3As so much so that i wont even qualify anymore.

this is getting really depressing.

irritation.

i am currently quite irritated.

but first, today was my first bread collection! finally, after signing up with ffth in december last year -_- and coincidentally, the social worker at the centre which i delivered the bread to is also named geraldine. lol

i thought, i ought to get myself more heavily involved in volunteer work since i really really do enjoy interacting with people, although i dont appear to.

and then, when i reached home, my happiness evaporated.

seriously, i dont need a reason to do volunteer work. i dont need accompaniment by a friend in order to volunteer with an organisation. you think what, group outing is it? and it doesnt mean that just because you dont know where the place is, its dangerous and there are evil men lurking around waiting to take advantage of me. wtf how ulu can a well lit hdb estate with a fairly vibrant void deck nightlife and a police post nearby be.

and secondly, (no offence to those who plan to study them) i WILL NOT touch the following in university: ACCOUNTING, LAW, BUSINESS, FINANCIAL STUDIES (econs, whatever gives, i dont care) and i am NOT qualified for ENGINNERING and even if i were, i WOULDN'T TOUCH IT WITH A TEN FOOT POLE. so stop telling me to consider (especially) BUSINESS and LAW because i WON'T. you want a lawyer in the family you tell my brother to get his act together and somehow or other get into law because it wont be me. mission impossible? then too bad.

honestly, to me, business and law seems to consist of a never ending plan to screw up the plans of others so that you end up as the victor with your treasure. i dont think i can do that.

accounting - goes without saying. i'm already quite gleeful with the prospect of not having to deal with numbers full time and you want me to do just that.

financial sector - bottom line is, the more money in the shortest time, the better. its very cold and devoid of the human touch.

i know these jobs pay well and i know that money is important but if i have to start a course or take a job in any of this disciplines tomorrow, i promise you i already have a plan to get out of it.

and you dont like my back up plan to teach. i can hear the scorn dripping off the "ohhhHhh i know. teacher lor." so wtf do you want me to do if nus doesnt want to take me?

i'm sorry. i know our world views differ. i know your idea of being a doctor centers on the money to be made. my idea of being a doctor focuses on making a difference in the lives of others, the interactions with people, the feeling you get when you know that you've aided someone, the deep interest in the workings of the human body, the investigations and puzzle solving. (ooh i love narrowing stuff down) the glamour and prestige of the job accorded by many many drama serials is all a lie. because there really is none. to quote many many doctors, "its a terrible job."

not everything can be bought with money.

bah. what happened to your statement of "you choose your path, we will support you as far as you want to go?"

apparently it was just to console me after my disastrous a level results, isnt it?

quizzes!!

long time no do pointless quizzes so i thought i shd flood this area!

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt. And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting. Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt. And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

uh... this is just for fun.

Your Birthdate: February 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame. You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them. Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing. You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship. Your strength: Your charm Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics Your power color: Indigo Your power symbol: Four leaf clover Your power month: December

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

YES I AM DESTINED FOR GREAT THINGSSSS

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

me reserved and withdrawn? okie if you all want u all can laugh together at me.

Your World View

You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material. You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you.

What Is Your World View?

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination. You were born to be a doctor.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

GOOD. now, if only nus would agree with me...

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are confident and ready to tackle life. You are pretty vain and happy with your physical appearance. You are born to be the center of attention, and you're unhappy on the sidelines. You're always up for trying something new - in and out of bed!

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life. You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first. You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker. You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

You Are 80% Weird

You're more than quirky, you're downright strange. But you're also strangely compelling, like a cult leader.

How Weird Are You?

i can hear damian's comment abt weird aquarians in my head.

What Your Green Outfit Means

Having a unique style of dress is quite important to you. You're a bit of an oddball, but you're also very friendly. No worries - people find your eccentricities charming! Designer match: Diane Von Furstenberg Signature accessory: A vintage purse

What Does Your Favorite Outfit Say About You?

i like being a treee!! urm okie, maybe a shrub.

the perils of blog surfing.

i think i should stop blog surfing for a while - seeing too many pple declaring 4As for a levels is making me feel extremely depressed, stupid and useless.

dont tell me that AABB and A2 is "very good already" or "good wad" or "alright" or "acceptable" or "sufficient to get to uni already waddd" because it is NOT good AT ALL, it is NOT alright, it is NOT acceptable, and the issue here is not abt ADMISSION alone. its about the COURSE.

dont tell me i've done my best because you're not me and if that's the case, my best is really f-ing PATHETIC. i'd be better off floating down the singapore river.

i DONT CARE about how the rest of the A level cohort did and where AABB stands in comparison, because i'm already in the BOTTOM THIRD from where i came from. and if that doesnt suck, i dont know what does.

and dont tell me to get a grip and move on because if i (ever) do, it will be on MY terms in MY own time and not yours.

dont even MENTION a levels in front of me if you want me to actually sound more normal and cheerful because i promise you, i can demostrate my cynical, unhappy and frustrated self at the drop of a hat.

if anyone noticed, my sign off phrase has become more violent of late. and i think it'd only get darker. hmm. first i ate a cookie, then i stuffed cookies down someone's throat, and now this.

B FOR BIOOOOOOOOOO

in a school where 87.5% of the cohort got A for bio, i ended up with a B.

this coming from someone who has never failed a single bio test in her 2 yrs of jc. no, never gotten anything below a D before moderation for any test in 2 yrs.

and, i got an A for math, even though i've never passed a single math paper in my 2 yrs.

gp is an A2, which honestly did not go down very well with me either. =(

cant help thinking that whoever up there is really having a very good laugh at my expense. =( my 2 best subs in jc end up with Bs and my 2 worst get As.

i dont know whether to laugh, cry, or appeal for review of my bio result. i cant stand it, my best subject scoring a B at a level.

i got B for econs too, but i can let that slide because i dont think application to med sch would rely heavily on my econs grade and i dont want to do econs anyway.

BAHHHHHH i dont want to go to work. i dont know how i'm going to look at them in the face and say that i only have 2As.

i'd still apply for med school, of course, but hope seems so much dimmer now..