drowning myself..

in song(s), that is.

sometimes i listen to a song and it gives me inspiration, renewed determination for the courage to take the next step and i think, this is really pathetic, what happened to my inner strength? but i suppose i need a boost from time to time.

i look at the brick wall i've come up against, and i wonder, what next?

every other option has its pitfalls.

time.

money.

i'm sick of drafting appeal letters. i fear looking like a fool after i send my next one. to be honest, i feel ridiculous even drafting it. my results are nothing to shout about, and yet i'm doing all of these, demanding attention, help, change, whatever gives.

appeal, appeal, appeal.

xia yi zhan shi bu shi tian tang. jiu suan shi wang, bu neng jue wang.

i suppose one would think that i should just submit to whatever life dishes out to me, shut up and appreciate the one offer i've received so far, which is to study biological sciences at the university nearest to home.

bu pa qian wan ren zhu dang, zhi pa zhi ji tou xiang.

why is it that the things i ask for in jest come so readily but those i thrist for dont? so that i will treasure it should i actually taste it?

well. time to go to sleep. and dream.